Honey is out of town. He left this am for two days figuring out other people's computer systems. He will be back tomorrow night. (for all you bad guys, I have my daddy here and so don't mess with me). Right now we are watching the end of the Ranger's game. I have come to a realization today.
Today we had our home school playgroup. I didn't even realize until after the group was over and Dad made a comment about how some in the group are a bit skeptical and negative. today especially I could tell how much this negativity makes me want to graze in order to make it through the group. I think it is because I don't agree totally with some of things they are saying and so as I don't get mad or irritated, I eat to keep the feelings down. One particular I don't agree with politically and even though we are both Christians, I am not the right kind of Christian, what ever that means. My denomination even got made fun of. Now I know there are lots to make fun of there but hey... I think the fact that it has been bothering me for a while and today my dad even noticed and commented on it. He is so positive and rarely comments on anything so there must be something to it.
Now today, it was a bag of pretzels and I in no way at the entire bag but I had not planned to eat them today and I did eat more than one serving. They will not make me crave food tomorrow but instead of dealing with my feelings about playgroup, I kept my mouth shut and munched pretzels.
Here I am, these are the mom's of my kid's friends, and I do like them most of the time. I am not going to stop being with these friends, I just need to find a new way of being with them. I know I can be a positive influence on my friends. I don't have to get upset about it and eat. I never realized my passiveness could lead me to eat. I had always thought I ate over the angry, frustrated, the outward feelings but today I realize I also eat over keeping my true feelings and opinions inside. Now I know it would not have been a good thing to start a fight or argument over the issues.
It is ok to be quiet to not start a fight, it is ok to keep my opinions to myself, it is not ok to eat over them, I can share them with those in my life who understand and support me in them. Just now, as I was getting the boys to bed, I went back into the kitchen and ate 1/2 c of rice from dinner before I stopped myself and am going to bed. I am going to read my Bible and some program materials. Then pray and go to sleep.
Tomorrow is a new day. Praise the Lord.
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